• Muzzies MUZic
    • <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/5860476412459380077?origin\x3dhttp://mrmuz.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>


    Mr Muz


    Thursday, January 29, 2009
    _______________________________________


    okay i know it as late and i have school tml.. but just wanna write about this...

    today abit boliao.. so searched my name on google...
    then found the old blog i shared with my ex...

    spent a few hours reading it...
    it is pretty interesting to read what went wrong a few years back...
    things i can conclude:

    i have changed alot... and sad to say not for the better... think i pretty much gone downhill from there... it got to a point where it is pretty depressing to read...

    been trying to contact the person for the last month or so... but no replies to my SMS's so i guess i will leave it there...
    this few days have been reflecting on the past year or so... trying to see where i gone wrong...
    next week i have a huge case to fight... which i am sorta looking forward to in a very very sick way... kinda scares me in fact...

    saw the old photos and it really hit me how much i changed... the spirit of my eyes look so very different...i seem to have aged and withered...

    i have been seeing a monk for the last week... trying to get some answers about my life..i am really unhappy with certain things in my life...

    the other day talked to uncle eric... he painted a very very morbid picture of the world... im not sure im looking forward to adulthood now....
    i tend to learn lessons the hard way... maybe cuz im so very stubborn and always think im right..
    after last week i sorta see my life a lil clearer now...


    yesterday went jurong point with ming kok... had dinner and watched a movie...
    and guess who served us... chia yilin! my long lost cousin.. haha.. it was quite a pleasant surprise actually...enjoyed the movie...though most of the things i have done before.. so it kinda opened up the old scars...

    health hasnt been good lately... tml i'll go hospital for a check up..
    basically my hands have been shivering and i am constantly out of breath...

    family is shifting out soon... dad kinda figured that i didnt like the house...
    painted my whole room green... but it didnt seem to cover the old memories..
    okay i am not emo.. just in a very vulnerable stage in my life...
    caught in the middle of adulthood and childhood..

    not a nice place to be in...

    the truth is that since the day it started going down hill( which is a few years back)
    not a day has gone by where i never thought about it...
    its really crippling me... i need answers...

    i lost the ability to show my affection in human ways... is there something wrong with me?
    the truth is i have really only had 2 relationships which i took seriously... the first was shot down by my parents for very practical reasons...well geography,history and social studies to be exact(if you know what i mean).. the second i screwed up myself by having a combination of high expectations and fundamental incompatibility.. which is pretty sad cuz i knew before committing that we were not compatible... after that relationship, it was the old Amoz all the way... something which i really hope will change... i always thought i was a master self-control..but y is it when i think of you i feel this great sense of guilt and despair?
    did i fall in love for the first time? and is it the only time which i really loved and cared for someone? why did i screw it up just because of my own laziness?

    i am determined to make the next one work... and i know that you are the one... probably the only girl that i have been really impressed with... i just hope geography and history wont be a huge obstacle to climb...

    the latest season of skins just came out... all the cast changed except for effy... the cast is much younger now... not sure i should watch it... watching the last 2 seasons really affected my perception of life... and im not sure it will do any good to me...

    i am just really lost...




    Mr Muz<3

    9:55 AM